In our world of cell phones, texting, and instant communication, the idea, and familiar tone, of a busy signal is becoming a distant memory; however, do you ever feel as though God's phone line must be busy whenever you try to reach Him?
I have been wrestling with this idea a lot lately. When I was younger, I remember having the concept of prayer explained to me like calling God on the phone and talking to Him. I am not opposed to this analogy of prayer as a conversation with God, but I am not sure the phone metaphor is working for me. This topic has been on my mind in the last few weeks, and in a moment (or actually, many moments) of frustration last night at my bible study, I asked, "does anyone else feel like the line must have been busy when you prayed to God?". I expressed this thought in frustration, anger, and a sense of overwhelm at the struggles that I, and others, have faced, and continue to face, in life. My thought process was that if God loves us, wants to hear from us, and cares about our every thought, then why do we have to face hard things: trauma, loss, illness, pain, etc? Why when we pray to God in those painful moments are we not rescued? If God is my Father, wouldn't any good father want to rescue his daughter from pain?
I do not claim to have the answers to these questions, in fact, they are the questions that are bouncing around in my head and push me to a place of anger with God. I am being taught by wonderful Christian women in my bible study that it is okay, healthy even, to be angry at God. Honestly, I am not totally there yet- I still do not feel good about being angry at God, but I am currently praying about why I feel that when I pray in times of need that I feel I get a busy signal, or worse, His answering machine.
In the Bible, we read about healing occurring when people pray or encounter Jesus. Surely, by my praying and walk with God, He could cure epilepsy? And yet, He doesn't. Surely, He could lessen the pain in my body, and yet, He doesn't. Surely, He could have rescued me from pain in my past. And yet, He didn't.
In times like today, when I feel discouraged by prayer, I often seek comfort in worship music. Over the last few weeks, I have found so much comfort in this song because it helps me trust that God must have a reason for allowing us to hurt, and He wants us to keep coming to Him- WE were the ones he thought about in his death and Resurrection, He loved us before we even took a breath! This comfort does not replace my anger with God- I wish it did. I wish I could tell you all that I am a perfect Christian, in a complete and whole relationship with God, and that I had it all together, but I cannot because I do not (if you wanted a perfect Christian, now would be a good time to stop reading). Do I love God- YES. Do I want to continue to know God- YES. Do I have times where I am hurt, confused, and discouraged by what God considers a response to my prayers- YES YES YES.
The song in the link about has a line that says "Oh as you run, what hindered love, will only become part of the story", and that line continues to rattle around in my head as I wrestle with God's phone line being busy. I do not think it is a coincidence that I have that line stuck in my head, I think that is God's way of telling me the line is not busy- even when I feel like it, and it will take time for me to wholeheartedly believe that I am not getting a busy signal. I think it means that my thought that God should invest in call waiting is in fact hindering my ability to openly love Him and trust in Him, and that will only serve to strengthen my story in Him. So, by that same logic, that must mean that all the hurt, pain, trauma, illness, etc that we endure will also become part of our story in God. I just wish I could see how that plays out don't you? Maybe in the meantime that means that we yell at God to the tune of the busy signal we hear, or we beg God to get call-waiting, but God will love us in our anger, our hurt, our pain- and that is the lesson I am trying to learn tonight.
This post is very raw for me. I hope that it is something you are able to relate to, comment on, and evokes emotion as you read it. My walk as a Christian is far from perfect, in fact and in all honesty, right now I am ANGRY at God, and I am learning (with the help of wonderful women in my life) that I need to express that to God. I do not have all the answers, in fact this post is more about questions than answers, but what I am trying to learn is that sometimes it is okay to have emotion as the answer to a question. Tonight is one of those times, anger is the emotion-answer to all of the questions I have about prayer right now. This blog post is the beginning of that expression of anger to God- I need to wrestle with why I feel I get a busy signal when I pray...
I have been wrestling with this idea a lot lately. When I was younger, I remember having the concept of prayer explained to me like calling God on the phone and talking to Him. I am not opposed to this analogy of prayer as a conversation with God, but I am not sure the phone metaphor is working for me. This topic has been on my mind in the last few weeks, and in a moment (or actually, many moments) of frustration last night at my bible study, I asked, "does anyone else feel like the line must have been busy when you prayed to God?". I expressed this thought in frustration, anger, and a sense of overwhelm at the struggles that I, and others, have faced, and continue to face, in life. My thought process was that if God loves us, wants to hear from us, and cares about our every thought, then why do we have to face hard things: trauma, loss, illness, pain, etc? Why when we pray to God in those painful moments are we not rescued? If God is my Father, wouldn't any good father want to rescue his daughter from pain?
I do not claim to have the answers to these questions, in fact, they are the questions that are bouncing around in my head and push me to a place of anger with God. I am being taught by wonderful Christian women in my bible study that it is okay, healthy even, to be angry at God. Honestly, I am not totally there yet- I still do not feel good about being angry at God, but I am currently praying about why I feel that when I pray in times of need that I feel I get a busy signal, or worse, His answering machine.
In the Bible, we read about healing occurring when people pray or encounter Jesus. Surely, by my praying and walk with God, He could cure epilepsy? And yet, He doesn't. Surely, He could lessen the pain in my body, and yet, He doesn't. Surely, He could have rescued me from pain in my past. And yet, He didn't.
In times like today, when I feel discouraged by prayer, I often seek comfort in worship music. Over the last few weeks, I have found so much comfort in this song because it helps me trust that God must have a reason for allowing us to hurt, and He wants us to keep coming to Him- WE were the ones he thought about in his death and Resurrection, He loved us before we even took a breath! This comfort does not replace my anger with God- I wish it did. I wish I could tell you all that I am a perfect Christian, in a complete and whole relationship with God, and that I had it all together, but I cannot because I do not (if you wanted a perfect Christian, now would be a good time to stop reading). Do I love God- YES. Do I want to continue to know God- YES. Do I have times where I am hurt, confused, and discouraged by what God considers a response to my prayers- YES YES YES.
The song in the link about has a line that says "Oh as you run, what hindered love, will only become part of the story", and that line continues to rattle around in my head as I wrestle with God's phone line being busy. I do not think it is a coincidence that I have that line stuck in my head, I think that is God's way of telling me the line is not busy- even when I feel like it, and it will take time for me to wholeheartedly believe that I am not getting a busy signal. I think it means that my thought that God should invest in call waiting is in fact hindering my ability to openly love Him and trust in Him, and that will only serve to strengthen my story in Him. So, by that same logic, that must mean that all the hurt, pain, trauma, illness, etc that we endure will also become part of our story in God. I just wish I could see how that plays out don't you? Maybe in the meantime that means that we yell at God to the tune of the busy signal we hear, or we beg God to get call-waiting, but God will love us in our anger, our hurt, our pain- and that is the lesson I am trying to learn tonight.
This post is very raw for me. I hope that it is something you are able to relate to, comment on, and evokes emotion as you read it. My walk as a Christian is far from perfect, in fact and in all honesty, right now I am ANGRY at God, and I am learning (with the help of wonderful women in my life) that I need to express that to God. I do not have all the answers, in fact this post is more about questions than answers, but what I am trying to learn is that sometimes it is okay to have emotion as the answer to a question. Tonight is one of those times, anger is the emotion-answer to all of the questions I have about prayer right now. This blog post is the beginning of that expression of anger to God- I need to wrestle with why I feel I get a busy signal when I pray...
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