As a teacher, I am all about learning new things- after all,
it is part of my job! While I have been in many, many classrooms with wonderful
teachers and professors (even some graduate neuroscience classes), some of the
most important lessons in my life though did not come from a classroom. Some of
the most important lessons I have learned came from being diagnosed with
several chronic illnesses.
Prior to being diagnosed, I was an athlete, and this was a
primary way I defined myself and created my identity. I was a softball player
and a competitive runner. My life revolved around these sports! Running and
being competitive made me feel powerful, successful, and focused. These aspects
of my life came to a crashing halt when I started experiencing debilitating
migraines, seizures, and other unexplained symptoms. I found myself too sick to
run or compete in sports anymore. At first (and admittedly, still at times), I
was devastated and felt I was without a purpose. I did not know how to take
care of myself without competitive sports in my life.
I had to take a lot of time to learn about myself and my
body after being diagnosed. These were not things that I was good at or took
any time to do previously. I have struggled with body image for as long as I
can remember, and sports helped me feel healthy and strong. Without sports, I
had to find my strength in other ways. I had to learn how to feed my body with
illness-fighting fuel and to listen to my body when it needed to rest. This was
HARD! Through the process of learning how to feed and fuel my body to help my
body fight these illnesses, I learned that I am capable to caring for myself,
and even capable of accepting new limits. My body could no longer run a 10K
every weekend or play endless hours of softball during hot, summer months, but
my body could wake up every day and live with hope despite chronic illness. I
learned that I only have one body, and even if it is a little broken, it is my
responsibility to care for it, after all broken things allow more light to
shine through the cracks!
I have learned that it is okay to rest all day with tea,
Netflix, and a blanket if that is what my body needs. I have learned that it is
okay to be angry with God for allowing me to be sick. I have learned it is okay
to tell people when I do not feel well. I have learned that it is okay to be
okay with my body, even when it is not racing 10 miles, running every day, and
playing competitive sports. Most importantly, I have learned that I have a new
normal. Running and sports have been replaced with pilates and yoga. And you
know what?! I LOVE yoga! Pilates and yoga make me feel just as strong as
running did, and they are safer for my body. I am learning that self-care and movement
should be a practice for my mind just as much as one for my physical body.
Graduate neuroscience courses were not easy, and just like
those courses, these lessons I learned from chronic illness have not been easy
either. They have most definitely been worth it. I have learned and developed a
true practice of self-respect. My illnesses are not going away, so I am
learning to love myself through the rough days, embrace the moments I feel
good, and to set goals for myself that are not performance based like I did
before I was diagnosed. I no longer strive for the PR in a race, but I strive
to write a book, practice yoga with mindfulness, and to follow my passions
every day.
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